Monday, December 6, 2010

On cold and being cold

I hate it. The end.
Did you know that there are two shelves in my Barnes & Noble labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance"? Those are some bad books. They basically abuse the burgeoning sexual desires of confused creatures who don't know any better. Pretty morally bankrupt, if you ask me. It's also gross.
I want every author who reads this to write young adult and teen novels about things like buying a car or trying to be on the basketball team. Lord knows I am.

Monday, August 30, 2010

On having really high standards for no fucking reason

So, yeah, shut up. I know it's been a while, but I really haven't had anything to write about. I went through a really bad case of writer's block and I only hope that my constantly writing has stopped it. It was coupled with a severe attack of malaise. Basically, I was feeling that my writing was really shitty. I think I figured out this was because sometimes I think my standards are too high when it comes to fiction.
For example, I hate like everything. EVERYTHING. I'm sure there are lots of good shows on TV (actually, I'm being really nice on this one. There isn't very much out there that says "This show is good")and I'm sure there are good books and comics (Ahahhahahaha yeah right) out there too. But, I just can't bring myself to like most of it. I'm sure this happens to a lot of authors. The temptation to be an elitist is huge. You just need to be better than everything you read.
And, well, I had to deal with that. Because, after all, if I can't beat them, then what's the point? But, then I just decided to ignore that and here I am. Awesome.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

On fiction

Sorry it's been a while. I've do. Like hard work and stuff that no one else in the world will understand. Trust me on this.
But, I have come to a certain conclusion about fiction. It's important for me to do that because, you see, I write fiction for a living, which is awesome. It really is. But, this conclusion. It's important and you should probably listen to it. I came across a website. Don't go there, but it's the livejournal group fandom!secrets. And, it truly taught me what hate is.
Sure, I used to say hate a lot, because it was just a really effective way of evoking utter disgust and anger. It's really a stretch, though, to say that I really truly ever hated anything. Other than, you know, pedophiles and rapists and such. I just didn't like a lot of people, you know. But, whenever I see fandom!secrets, I sincerely feel that what these people are celebrating is something no legitimate author can even accept. I literally hate it.
Let's put aside all the secrets that say "I want to have violent, disgusting sex with fictional character X because I have untreated mental condition Y." Because those are either trolls, or people who need help (although the line is very thin sometimes). Those secrets just make me shake my head. I really do want to help these people, but it's anonymous, so there isn't much I can do.
Those secrets are actually the ones that I don't hate. The ones I hate are the ones who "ship" or put some kind of unrealistic expectation on some fictional character. I think it's what's really wrong with fiction and literature these days. See, these people want fiction, be it a TV show or a movie or an anime or whatever to go the way they want it to. They believe that their opinion of how the characters should interact is something worth considering. News flash: It is not.
It is not up to you how fiction happens. It's not up to you how a character dies or how their story ends. Like it or not, you have no effect on a work of fiction. You can have the experience differ from person to person, but you can never have the work itself change. You can't ship things. You can't see the facts of the story change for you.
I swear to god, if I ever see someone use my works like that, I will fucking destroy them and you can take that to the bank.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

On stupid crap

Kick-Ass really sucked. What's the point of a movie attempting to brazenly inspire us to stand up for what's right and be super-heroes in out own daily life and then have the main character use a jet-pack and a fucking bazooka to kill all the bad guys. "Hey, anyone can do what I'm doing, except for those people who don't have $300,000 to spend on a jet pack WITH GATLING GUNS. Also, $99.99 for a wetsuit." Add another comic book movie to list of shitty ones that will be forgotten in a year. Also, Jonah Hex looks like it will suck balls, too. I wish people had already realized I write way better movies than them.

Friday, April 23, 2010

On good ideas

I want to write a story. Well, I want to write many stories, but I just thought of a good one today. What if I wrote a story about a bunch of stodgy conformists who go on some wacky adventure to thwart of free-thinking, open-minded, newfags? Just think about it, won't you? It would be like every movie that college kids love, but the exact opposite.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

On comics

Brightest Day #0 was pure, unadulterated crap. Blackest Night was, too. But this is just crap icing, as far as I'm concerned. Characters who died in meaningful and powerful ways (i.e. Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Max Lord). Hell, just about everyone had reasons and purposes for dying. Remember when Captain Boomerang died? That was powerful, right? Remember when Osiris died? The same thing, right? But, no. We can't enjoy those stories anymore. Why? Listen to me what I say this. This is relevant.


This is all there is to it. The man cannot get over the fact that characters he like when he was a kid are either dead or gone. He doesn't like the fact that time has passed and that characters have been replaced. Now, I know that things are always better in hindsight. Every single person ever feels that way at least once in their lives. However, normal people get the fuck over it. We, you know, do things. Not Geoff Johns. He wants everything to be just as it was, even if it makes for shitty writing. He wants all these characters to not have gone through twenty years of development. In short, he sucks.

He sucks bad.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

First post!

Hey. Um. This is a new blog. I made it tonight. See, my old Xanga is too full of good emotions and happiness to write about my bitter musings. I met my wife on that thing, you know. So, I'll write here.

Let me introduce yourself. You are either really cool, or you are a poser. See, I'm a writer. I take writing classes. I am usually the best writer in them. I'm not being cocky about it. Writing isn't really that hard. The real prodigies don't even need classes. If you are smart, you can write a decent book and probably make some change off it.

If you've taken four years of writing classes, you should not be writing schlocky shit. I'm going to post some of the said shit later, but not very much. Shit, that's too much crap even for me.

But, here's a rundown of what I'm going to be talking about. Because you need to know before you bookmark me.
-Comics (Blackest Night sucks balls, Final Crisis rules shit)
-Video games(not often, though. I'm too old for that shit.)
-D&D (4e sucks, 3.5 forever.)
-Life (I hate posers, shitheads, jackasses, morons, and shitasses.)
-Sports(Fuck Kyle Busch, The AFC North, all of baseball and basketball)
-Anime(One Piece owns, Bleach owns ironically)
-Not politics (People will hate me enough for being an elitist)
-Internet ('Nuff said)

So, yeah. You'll probably like it.